https://salutethepig.com/has-anyone-seen-my-niederlassungserlaubnis/

I mean, how hard can it be? Come on good people of Germany. I need you to say “Ja!” to a residency application…

To encourage you to bring this fine mission to a rapid and happy conclusion, you should remember that we Bülow’s have a Wiki page that shows that

the family traces its main line back to one knight Godofridus de Bulowe, mentioned in a 1229 deed

That’s the year 1229 by the way; no Johnny (or Johannes, see what I did there?) Come Lately us. And yes, my middle name is John.

I’m a descendant of an August Gottfried Mistel, bootmaker, born 1828, of Ganz, Prussia and whilst we didn’t actually start calling ourselves Bülow until one of his children married into the name, hey, that’s a long time ago. No need to start nit-picking fault now. That my forbears made the easy mistake of coming over to England a long time ago, right back at the end of the 19th C. is a simple screw-up, nothing you’re going to hold against us, right?

And boot-maker; that’s a fine, fine trade. There’s always going to be a need for boot-makers, don’t you think. What’s that you’re asking? “Can I actually make a pair of boots. From scratch?”. Well, no, not, exactly, no. But how hard can it be…

There’s our main Berlin street, right there, see?

…there’s even a whole (magnificent) fucking U-Bahn station named after me…

I mean come on people, what more do we need, eh, answer me that? Seriously, won’t you help us leave this hell-hole of a country & let us come back to my ancestral homeland?